Small Words, Big Impact: How Pronouns Shape Everyday Communication

Small Words, Big Impact: How Pronouns Shape Everyday Communication

We probably use pronouns hundreds of times a day, without even noticing. But what happens when someone can’t?

Challenges When Pronoun Skills Are Lacking

When a child or learner cannot use or understand pronouns well, conversations can break down. For example, if someone says “She went to the store,” but the listener doesn’t know who she is, the message is lost. Children with language delays often misuse pronouns, calling everyone “he” or “she”, swapping object and subject forms, leaving pronouns out entirely or using names repeatedly. In any of these cases, “it can make it very hard to follow [the speaker’s] train of thought if you’re not sure exactly who he’s talking about”. In other words, conversation becomes confusing: listeners don’t know who did what.

This confusion affects learning and daily life. In a classroom or at home, instructions often include pronouns (“Put it on the table,” “Tell her the news”). If a child doesn’t grasp it, she, or he, they may not know what action to take. Simply, unclear pronoun references make communication “confusing and vague”. Likewise, a story or question about “what they did” loses meaning if the listener can’t link they to the correct people or objects. Over time, this leads to frustration: the child may stop participating or become anxious about misunderstandings.

It’s important to mention that some early pronoun errors are normal. Toddlers often mix up “I” and “you” because pronoun use depends on who is speaking, which can be abstract for very young children. For example, a child might hear a parent say “do you want..,” and not yet understand how to reverse it for themselves (they might say, “you want..” instead of “I want”). This typical phase usually resolves in their early years, when most children use I, you, me, we, they, etc. correctly. However, if confusion persists beyond the toddler years, it can signal a language delay or disorder, which will merit extra evaluation.

The Function of Pronouns in Language Development

Pronouns (words like I, you, he, she, it, and they) are essential because they replace nouns and keep speech from being repetitive. By substituting short words for names or nouns, pronouns make conversation and text flow smoothly. Simply, pronouns “reduce repetition, which improves the clarity, pace, and flow” of communication. In everyday speech, this means we don’t have to repeat names. For example, instead of saying “Mary went to Mary’s car,” we say “Mary went to her car.” These little words carry big weight: without pronouns, our sentences become long and clunky, and listening or reading becomes much harder.

Beyond grammar, pronouns also matter socially. Using the correct pronouns respects each person’s identity. In fact, misusing someone’s chosen pronouns can feel “offensive, degrading, or alienating” to them. Just as we would not want someone to call us by the wrong name, using the proper pronouns helps people feel seen and understood. In modern inclusive settings, many people use gender-neutral pronouns (like they/them). So, keeping up with pronoun use today means both clear communication and social respect.

Strategies for Teaching Pronouns

Helping a learner learn pronouns involves practice, clear context, and positive feedback. Speech therapists, educators and parents can use a multi-step approach:

• Receptive identification: First, make sure the learner understands pronouns before expecting them to say them. For example, show pictures of a boy and a girl and say, “Point to he” or “Point to she.” A common technique is to start with “he/she” pronouns by having the learner point to pictures of boys or girls when asked. Once a learner can correctly identify “he” with a boy picture and “she” with a girl, they’ve built the foundation for correct use.
  
• Practice in simple phrases: Next, use very short phrases or games that prompt a pronoun. For “he” and “she,” you might hold up a toy and ask, “Who wants the toy – the boy or the girl?” Then encourage the learner to answer “He does” or “She does”. Acting out scenarios helps: place two dolls on the table and say, “Who is eating?” guiding the answer “He is eating.” These games drill the link between the idea (boy vs. girl) and the correct pronoun.
  
• Use gesture and self-reference: For first- and second-person pronouns (I, you, we), it can help to pair words with actions. For example, when it’s your turn in a game, tap your chest and say, “My turn” or “I do it.” Then tap the learner on the chest on their turn and prompt them to say “My turn!”. This chest-tapping trick shows who my refers to and who you refers to. Similarly, one strategy is to pair the pronoun with a name: say, “This is Susan’s coat. It’s her coat,” or “This is the dog. Its ball.” Naming the noun first, then replacing it with a pronoun, reinforces the connection.
  
• Storytelling and reading practice: Once a learn can use pronouns in phrases, move on to sentences and stories. Show pictures from a book or family photo and have the learner describe them using pronouns: e.g., “The girl is jumping. She is happy”. Read a short story and ask, “Who did this? He or she?” Or have them tell you what a character in a picture or a short clip is doing, making sure they use “he/she/they” correctly. This ties pronouns to fun, engaging narratives.
  
• Gentle correction and modeling: Never shame a learner for getting a pronoun wrong. Instead, model the correct usage. If the learner says, “Me want cookie,” you might respond, “Yes, I want a cookie too!” or ask, “Is that a boy or a girl who wants the cookie? Should we say ‘he wants a cookie’ or ‘she wants a cookie’?” In practice, therapists often “recast” the error: if the learner says “she is running” looking at a boy, ask “She is running??” with a questioning tone, prompting the learner to self-correct. Over time, the learner learns to adjust.
  

Each child learns at their own pace, so it’s important to keep activities positive. Use fun games, praise every correct attempt, and gradually increase complexity. With patience and consistent practice, moving from pointing games to sentences to everyday conversation, the learner’s pronoun skills will improve. Mastering pronouns “takes time… it may take months of working through this process”. But with supportive guidance, learners can overcome confusion and start using pronouns correctly.

Let’s Help Your Child Master Pronouns

Pronouns aren’t just “he,” “she,” or “they.” They’re key to following instructions, building sentences, and truly connecting with others. If your child struggles to understand or use pronouns, it can hold them back in schoolwork, conversations, and social relationships.

Clear communication starts here.