My child talks at home, but goes completely silent in school. Is it just a phase?
We understand from many parents that they noticed their child would go quiet in certain settings—especially social or unfamiliar ones, and they found their child behaviour to be very confusing. It might seem like extreme shyness or even a language issue to parents, but for some children, particularly those with additional needs, there could be something more going on.
This blog explores selective mutism, a complex and manageable condition (i.e. treatable, may progress to potentially improving quality of life or slowing progression, but may not be fully resolved) that blends both psychological and communication challenges. We’ll also share how a collaborative approach—involving psychologists, speech therapists, and families—can make a real difference.
What Is Selective Mutism?
Selective mutism (SM) is more than just shyness. It’s an anxiety-based condition where a child who can speak finds it difficult to speak in specific situations, like school, enrichment classes, or in front of unfamiliar people.
This is not due to language delays or stubbornness. It’s rooted in intense fear—much like a freeze response—and can feel out of the child’s control. According to the DSM-5, selective mutism is considered an anxiety disorder, not a speech or behavioural problem.
How It May Look: Common Sign
- Your child chats freely at home but never speaks at school
- They rely on gestures, nodding, or whispering in public
- Teachers may say your child is “well-behaved but quiet”
- They may appear nervous, withdrawn, or avoidant in group settings
- Some may show physical discomfort like fidgeting, freezing, or avoiding eye contact
It’s important to know: selective mutism is not attention-seeking. These children often want to speak, but feel unable to due to overwhelming anxiety.
Special Needs and Selective Mutism: Why Teamwork Matters
Children with special needs—such as autism, global developmental delay, or speech-language difficulties—may also experience selective mutism. In such cases, it becomes even more essential to work as a team. Why?
- A child may be mistakenly assumed to have a language disorder, when the root issue is actually anxiety
- Or, their silence may be brushed off as part of their diagnosis, and early signs of distress could be missed
- Some may appear socially avoidant, but it could be a fear-based reaction that’s not addressed in the right way
This is why we believe collaboration between psychologist and speech therapist is key. Each brings a unique lens—together, we build a clearer understanding of the child’s behaviour and is in a better position to provide the support that the child urgently needs.
How Parents Can Support a Child with Selective Mutism
While professional help is important, parents play a central role in helping a child feel safe, understood, and encouraged. Here are a few practical tips:
- Create a Safe and Pressure-Free Space
- Avoid pressuring your child to speak. Instead, give them time, and show them that you accept them—whether they speak or not. Warmth and patience go a long way.
- Use Visuals or Alternative Communication
- Encourage your child to use gestures, drawings, or picture cards when words are hard. This keeps communication open and reduces frustration.
- Model Calm and Flexible Responses
- Children pick up on your cues. Stay calm when they don’t speak, and avoid reacting with worry or disappointment. Celebrate small efforts, even if it’s just a whisper or nod.
- Play and Connect Through Activities
- Engage your child in fun, low-pressure activities like board games, pretend play, or reading aloud. These can help build comfort and strengthen your bond.
- Inform and Involve Teachers or Caregivers
- Collaborate with your child’s educators or caregivers so they know how best to respond. A calm, consistent approach across home and school helps your child feel secure.
How We Support Them at Joyful Soul Psychology
At Joyful Soul Psychology, we’ve worked closely (both psychologist and speech therapist) to support children—especially those with diverse needs—who struggle to speak in certain settings. Hence, this means that you and your child will receive integrated support in one session.
Our integrative approach also includes:
- Understanding the child as a whole: Looking beyond symptoms to emotional, developmental, and social factors
- Evidence-based strategies: Including play therapy, ACT, and anxiety-reduction tools tailored to each child
- Parent and teacher coaching: So your child is supported across all environments
- Joint work with external agencies: When needed, we collaborate with trusted partners to address communication concerns alongside emotional ones
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
If your child has been struggling to speak outside the home—or if you’re unsure whether it’s anxiety, language delay, or something else—know that support is available. Sometimes, the most helpful thing is simply having someone walk alongside you, helping you understand what’s happening beneath the silence.
If you’re exploring support options, feel free to reach out to us. We’re here to listen, to understand, and to help you and your child move forward—one gentle step at a time.
Book a session with us today and take the first step towards a more empowered and fulfilling life.